Public Significance Statement

This study found that fathers raising autistic teenagers take on roles similar to professional case managers, coordinating their child’s education, health care, and support services. While fathers experienced ongoing stress from uncertainty about their child’s future, they also reported unexpected positive changes including deeper parent–child relationships and personal growth. These findings suggest that support services may benefit from recognizing fathers’ unique expertise and lived experiences, providing tailored assistance for managing long-term stress, and developing programs designed specifically for fathers.

Keywords: autism, fathers, qualitative research, family adaptation, adolescence

Autism spectrum disorder affects approximately one in 100 children globally, with prevalence estimates continuing to rise (Zeidan et al., 2022). As a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by differences in social communication and restricted or repetitive behaviors, autism significantly impacts entire family systems (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). While extensive research has examined maternal experiences in autistic families, fathers’ perspectives remain substantially underexplored (Akoğlu & Cankurtaran, 2024; Potter, 2017). Families of autistic children experience elevated stress levels compared to families of typically developing children (S. Z. Jackson et al., 2024; Yesilkaya & Magallón-Neri, 2024), yet this research, like much autism family literature, has focused predominantly on mothers (Hartley et al., 2011; Naicker et al., 2023). Emerging evidence suggests fathers’ experiences may differ qualitatively in terms of coping strategies, emotional responses, support needs, and adaptation processes (Potter, 2017; Sartor et al., 2024), with these experiences further shaped by intersecting factors including ethnicity, socioeconomic status, and cultural background (Akoğlu & Cankurtaran, 2024).

The historical underrepresentation of fathers in autism research reflects systemic biases in family research more broadly. Research paradigms have traditionally positioned mothers as primary caregivers and most relevant informants about children’s development and family functioning, leading to systematic father exclusion (Cabrera et al., 2000, 2018; Phares, 1992; Phares et al., 2005; Yaremych & Persky, 2023). Practical challenges including fathers’ work schedules, recruitment difficulties, and assumptions about maternal gatekeeping have further contributed to their underrepresentation (Costigan & Cox, 2001; Davison et al., 2017; Deneault et al., 2025; Lut et al., 2022). However, contemporary fatherhood increasingly involves active caregiving and emotional engagement beyond traditional breadwinner roles (Lamb, 2000), making father-inclusive research essential for comprehensive understanding of family systems and effective family-centered interventions.

Theoretical Framework

Family systems theory provides a framework for understanding autism’s interplay across entire family units rather than isolated individuals (Bristol, 1987). This approach recognizes families as interconnected systems where changes affecting one member create ripple effects throughout (Hartley et al., 2011). The stress and coping framework (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984) emphasizes dynamic interactions between environmental demands, appraisal processes, and coping responses in determining adaptation outcomes (Hastings et al., 2005). Recent research has identified family cohesion, flexibility, communication patterns, and social support as crucial for adaptation (Baker et al., 2011; McStay et al., 2014; Trew, 2025), yet most research has focused on family units or maternal experiences rather than fathers’ specific adaptation processes.

Existing Research on Fathers of Autistic Children

While fathers remain underrepresented compared to mothers in autism family research, a growing body of work has examined paternal experiences. Lashewicz et al. (2019) conducted a metasynthesis of qualitative studies on fathers’ experiences raising autistic children, identifying only six studies meeting quality criteria. Their analysis revealed three main themes: adaptation and concern with the future, importance of cultural context, and reverence for one’s child and new opportunities. This metasynthesis highlighted significant methodological and theoretical deficiencies in existing father research while confirming fathers face distinct challenges and experience growth alongside difficulties.

Subsequent research has explored fathers’ experiences across various contexts. Fathers report elevated stress and depression (Paynter et al., 2018), challenges balancing work and caregiving (Seymour et al., 2017), and difficulties accessing father-specific support (Rankin et al., 2019). Comparative studies suggest fathers and mothers may experience different stressors and employ different coping strategies (Hartley et al., 2011; Seymour et al., 2020). Recent qualitative studies across diverse cultural contexts (Akoğlu & Cankurtaran, 2024; André et al., 2025; Camilleri, 2022; Koltai et al., 2024) reveal how cultural norms regarding masculinity and fatherhood shape paternal adaptation. Studies have also examined positive experiences including personal growth, enhanced relationships, and fathers’ reverence for their children (Lashewicz et al., 2019; Potter, 2016, 2017). Despite these contributions, significant gaps remain.

Research Gap and Study Rationale

While this emerging research base has begun illuminating fathers’ experiences, significant theoretical and empirical gaps remain. Lashewicz et al.’s (2019) metasynthesis noted poor methodological quality in existing research, including small samples, lack of theoretical grounding, and insufficient attention to diversity. Studies predominantly focused on stress, burden, and negative outcomes, with limited attention to positive adaptation, personal growth, or relationship benefits. Few studies employ family systems perspectives or examine how fathers conceptualize their roles within reorganized family dynamics or integrate intensive caregiving with masculine identity through long-term adaptation. Additionally, most research examines fathers of young children (Paynter et al., 2018; Seymour et al., 2017) rather than adolescents or the developmental trajectory of paternal adaptation over time.

Existing research has also been limited by two problematic tendencies. First, when fathers are included, research often positions them as peripheral participants in family adaptation, assuming mothers bear primary responsibility for care coordination and emotional labor while fathers remain primarily in breadwinner roles (Potter, 2017; Rankin et al., 2019). Second, autism family research has predominantly adopted deficit-focused narratives emphasizing burden, stress, pathology, and negative outcomes while overlooking sources of strength, resilience, and positive adaptation (Bolbocean et al., 2022; Frigerio et al., 2024). While recent research has begun identifying positive adaptation in autistic families (Bolbocean et al., 2022; Frigerio et al., 2024), fathers’ specific experiences of growth remain underexplored. These deficit-focused approaches risk pathologizing families and may obscure the complex reality encompassing both genuine challenges and unexpected growth.

Understanding fathers’ conceptualization of family adaptation is further complicated by the intersection of caregiving demands with traditional masculinity norms. Hegemonic masculinity, defined as the culturally idealized form of manhood legitimizing men’s dominant position in society (Connell, 1995; Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005), traditionally emphasizes emotional stoicism, economic provision as the primary fathering contribution, and autonomy over dependence (Connell, 1987, 1995). These norms position men primarily as breadwinners and authority figures while devaluing caregiving work as feminine labor (Doucet, 2004; Elliott, 2016).

However, raising an autistic child often requires fathers to adopt intensive, ongoing caregiving responsibilities typically coded as maternal, including emotional attunement, behavioral management, therapeutic coordination, and acceptance of prolonged dependency (A. J. Jackson, 2021; Potter, 2017). This creates “gender dissonance,” where caregiving demands conflict with traditional masculine scripts, requiring fathers to reconstruct their identities integrating nurturing care work with masculine self-concept (Akoğlu & Cankurtaran, 2024; Shave & Lashewicz, 2016). For fathers of autistic children, the permanence and intensity of advocacy and case management roles may necessitate fundamental renegotiation of what it means to be both a man and a father (Potter, 2017).

Research Aims

This study addresses these gaps by examining how fathers of autistic adolescents conceptualize their experiences through family systems and masculinity frameworks. Drawing on semistructured interviews with nine fathers of autistic children aged 12–19, we explore the following: (a) how fathers experience and adapt to challenges, (b) coping strategies fathers develop, (c) paternal identity evolution and family relationship reconfiguration, (d) family system reorganization from fathers’ perspectives, and (e) sources of strength and positive adaptation. This approach provides theoretically grounded, developmentally focused insights into an understudied population while attending to both challenges and growth.

Method

Research Design

This qualitative study explored fathers’ lived experiences raising autistic adolescents, conducted as part of a larger investigation of autistic family relationships (Trew, 2021). The research employed a social constructionist epistemological position (Berger & Luckmann, 2016), recognizing that fathers’ experiences are shaped by societal discourses about autism, disability, masculinity, and fatherhood (Smith et al., 2009).

Participants

Nine Australian fathers of autistic adolescents participated, recruited through purposive and snowball sampling via autism support organizations in Canberra, Australia (2019). Eligibility criteria included self-identifying as a father or primary male caregiver to an autistic child aged 12–19 years, English proficiency, informed consent capacity, and Australian residency. Fathers’ reports of their child’s autism diagnosis were accepted without requiring formal documentation. Ethical approval was obtained from the Australian Catholic University. Informed consent procedures included detailed information sheets, verbal explanation, explicit consent for audio recording, and emphasis on voluntary participation and withdrawal rights. Confidentiality was protected through de-identification, secure data storage, and pseudonym assignment.

The age range of 12–19 years was intentionally selected to focus on adolescence, an underexplored developmental period characterized by distinct challenges including puberty, emerging independence, educational transitions, and future planning (Boshoff et al., 2025; Taylor & Seltzer, 2011). Previous research has predominantly examined parents of young autistic children (Lashewicz et al., 2019), making this period particularly important to explore. This developmental focus provides depth while maintaining sample homogeneity for pattern identification.

To protect confidentiality, detailed demographic information (ages, occupations, income, religion) was intentionally not systematically collected given identifiability risks in this small sample (Saunders et al., 2015). All participants identified as cisgender heterosexual White/Australian men using he/him pronouns. All resided in a predominantly advantaged area (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2011) and were university/tertiary educated. Seven fathers were employed full-time, one part-time, and one was a full-time caregiver. Eight were married to or partnered with their children’s mothers; one was divorced with shared custody.

Children aged 12–19 years (seven male, two female) all had formal autism diagnoses from qualified clinicians. Family sizes ranged from one to five children: Four fathers had additional children, two had only one autistic child, and three had two autistic children. Using the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition, text revision support levels, four children required Level 1 support, three Level 2, and two Level 3. Co-occurring conditions (n = 6) were as follows: attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (n = 3), anxiety disorders (n = 2), intellectual disability (n = 1), and epilepsy (n = 1).

Data Collection Analysis

All participants provided written informed consent. The interview guide was developed following qualitative methodology guidelines (Braun & Clarke, 2013) and informed by family systems theory, existing qualitative research on fathers of autistic children (Lashewicz et al., 2019; Potter, 2017), and the study’s research aims. Questions were deliberately open-ended to elicit detailed narrative accounts, covering diagnosis experiences, daily parenting, challenges and coping, relationship changes, personal growth, support needs, and future perspectives. Interviews were conducted by the author between May and July 2019, lasting 45–90 min (M = 67 min). All interviews were audio-recorded and professionally transcribed verbatim. Field notes documented interview dynamics and contextual factors.

Data analysis followed Braun and Clarke’s (2006) six-phase thematic analysis: (1) familiarizing with data through multiple readings, (2) generating initial codes through line-by-line coding, (3) searching for themes by grouping codes, (4) reviewing themes for coherence and distinctiveness, (5) defining and naming themes, and (6) producing analytical narrative with examples. Analysis was conducted inductively, allowing themes to emerge from data. A semantic approach focused on explicit meanings while attending to latent meanings. Rigor was enhanced through systematic adherence to Braun and Clarke’s framework, firm grounding of themes in participant data, peer review through supervision meetings, and maintenance of detailed audit trail documenting analytical decisions.

Findings

Overview of Themes

This thematic analysis of nine fathers’ experiences raising autistic children reveals a complex landscape of adaptation, challenge, and unexpected growth. Four interconnected themes emerged demonstrating that fathering an autistic child involves identity reconstruction, chronic stress management, comprehensive family reorganization, and paradoxically, significant personal growth and relationship enrichment.

Theme 1—From Father to Case Manager: The Evolution of Paternal Identity

This theme captures the transformation of paternal identity when raising an autistic child. Fathers described evolving from traditional parental roles into multifaceted positions encompassing case management, advocacy, educational coordination, and therapeutic support. This evolution represents not merely added responsibilities but a fundamental reimagining of fatherhood in the context of autism. The transformation goes beyond conventional involved fatherhood to encompass professional-level expertise in areas typically managed by formal service providers. This identity evolution appears driven by both necessity (filling service gaps) and fathers’ recognition of their unique position as consistent advocates for their children across multiple life domains.

Professional-Level Role Development

Fathers consistently described taking on roles typically associated with professional service providers, developing expertise that often exceeded formal supports. Adam articulated this transformation: “I’ve become my son’s case worker and advocate and Uber driver. I’ve really been his case worker from diapers.” This quote illustrates the comprehensive and enduring nature of role expansion, beginning in early childhood and continuing indefinitely. The scope of this case management function was extensive. Adam further described, “It has been down to me really to help him navigate his life. I home schooled him, I got him touch typing and I got him giving presentations and doing research in history, we went on field trips.” This level of coordination demonstrates professional-level involvement requiring specialized knowledge, sustained commitment, and sophisticated understanding of autism-specific learning approaches. The advocacy responsibilities extended across multiple domains, with fathers navigating complex service systems and educational frameworks, representing a fundamental shift from traditional paternal roles toward holistic caregiving identity.

Advocacy and Protective Functions

The protective dimension of evolved fatherhood emerged prominently. Gary’s statement, “I’m his protector,” encapsulated a fundamental shift in paternal identity toward comprehensive safeguarding of their children’s interests. This protection extended beyond physical safety to encompass advocacy across educational, medical, and social systems. Dennis described the conscious effort required: “A caring role is necessary, trying to generate a positive identity about being the carer, just focused on my son’s needs, that’s my primary goal.” The phrase “trying to generate a positive identity” suggests active psychological work in reframing traditionally maternal caring roles as legitimate paternal functions. This reconceptualization of caregiving as central to paternal identity represents significant departure from traditional masculinity norms positioning men primarily as providers rather than nurturers.

The permanence of this identity shift was evident in fathers’ long-term perspectives. Adam’s reference to being a “case worker from diapers” indicates understanding that this evolved identity is enduring rather than temporary, with implications for how fathers view their ongoing relationship with their children and their role in their children’s adult lives, suggesting lifelong commitment to advocacy extending beyond conventional expectations of fatherhood.

Theme 2—Walking on Thin Ice: The Chronic Stress of Hypervigilant Parenting

This theme encompasses the persistent emotional and psychological demands experienced by fathers parenting their autistic children, characterized by constant uncertainty, hypervigilance, and need for rapid behavioral adaptations. Fathers described living in perpetual alertness, always prepared to prevent or manage potential crises while managing their own emotional responses under pressure. The chronic nature of this stress differs qualitatively from acute stress responses, representing instead fundamental reorientation toward uncertainty management and constant environmental monitoring. This hypervigilant state becomes a new baseline rather than temporary response to crisis, requiring substantial psychological adaptation and resilience.

The Metaphor of Chronic Uncertainty

Adam’s vivid metaphor captured this chronic stress experience: “You live with this constant uncertainty. It’s like you’re inching your way across ice and you’re waiting for the sound of cracking to know when to retreat.” This powerful image conveys the persistent anxiety and careful, measured approach required in daily interactions. The metaphor extends beyond individual moments to encompass a fundamental life orientation where certainty and predictability become rare. Adam elaborated,If you’re not retreating, you’re falling. You have to live within limitations, and you have to reframe your expectations to what’s realistic and try not to grieve too much about those things that you haven’t been able to do just because you could not, but because there was no way you could relinquish responsibility for your child, you did not want to nominate them as not capable.

This illustrates how fathers learn to operate within constrained possibility spaces, constantly adjusting expectations based on their children’s variable needs, while simultaneously managing grief about anticipated experiences that remain out of reach. This constant vigilance required sophisticated environmental monitoring and contingency planning. Adam described the cognitive demands: “We were constantly trying to be aware of all of these contingencies so that we could smooth the path to get [our autistic child] from here to there and back again.” The ongoing mental effort of maintaining multiple contingency plans represents significant cognitive load integrated into fathers’ daily functioning.

Behavioral Unpredictability and Rapid Escalation

Fathers described their children’s emotional and behavioral patterns as fundamentally different from neurotypical development, requiring specialized understanding and response strategies. The unpredictability created ongoing stress as fathers worked to prevent or manage behavioral crises. Greg explained the challenge of rapid emotional escalation: “The boys have ‘digital emotions’ and can react in a microsecond. The only time he knows he’s in a problem is when he’s hit meltdown stage.” He elaborated, “His reactions are different in the way he doesn’t realise that he was in a sense of stress or sense of something like that. He’s doing something, the stress builds up, and he explodes.” The “digital emotions” metaphor captures the all-or-nothing nature of emotional responses that fathers learned to recognize and manage, often with little warning.

Douglas articulated the ongoing struggle:I’ve struggled in understanding his behaviour. I’ve always wanted to treat him as a normal kid. I’ve had a lot of growing to do, adapt and learn, but I still struggle with it. Understanding all types of his behaviour, I had a lot of adjustment to do.This reveals the tension between desires for conventional parenting approaches and the reality of needing specialized strategies, as well as sustained adaptation efforts.

The behavioral challenges manifested in various ways. Adam shared, “He carries a lot of anger, he sometimes is oppositional, getting angry and shouting.” Daryl described managing difficult public situations: “There was a lot of us learning how to manage him and how to manage his communication and behaviour, so that we didn’t have spectacular problems, like going into shops and him lying in the alleyways screaming.” These examples illustrate the diverse behavioral presentations fathers navigated and intensive management strategies they developed.

Communication Barriers and Understanding Challenges

Communication difficulties emerged as a significant source of ongoing stress and uncertainty. Gary explained his son’s limitations: “He either can’t communicate or can’t understand. Clearly my son is autistic, he has very limited verbal communication skills and doesn’t understand social cues at all.” These fundamental barriers created persistent challenges in understanding their children’s needs, preferences, and internal experiences.

Colin described his daughter’s echolalia:She started doing other things which I think are very usual for autism where she would say something over and over again, echolalia, for a while it was very annoying to cope with and also do the same playthings over and over which you can do for a while before it becomes a bit of a drag.This reveals both the repetitive nature of certain behaviors and fathers’ honest acknowledgment of the emotional toll, even as they worked to respond with patience and understanding.

Emotional Regulation Under Pressure

The data revealed the emotional discipline required of fathers in managing their own responses to challenging behaviors while simultaneously supporting their children through difficult moments. This dual demand—regulating personal emotions while providing stability—emerged as particularly challenging.

Gary acknowledged the emotional challenges: “My wife and I would definitely get frustrated with [our son] because he doesn’t understand us, or we can’t understand him. As parents, obviously you have to try and restrain that as much as possible.” This reveals the tension between natural emotional responses to difficult situations and the need to maintain calm, supportive presence. The acknowledgment of frustration alongside commitment to restraint demonstrates the ongoing emotional work fathers performed in their caregiving roles.

The emotional regulation extended to managing disappointment and grief about missed typical parenting experiences while remaining present and engaged with their children’s actual needs and capacities. Adam’s reflection about reframing expectations illustrates this complex emotional navigation, as fathers worked to accept limitations while maintaining hope and engagement.

Theme 3—Family Ecosystem Recalibration

This theme describes comprehensive family system reorganization around autistic children’s needs, affecting routines, expectations, sibling relationships, and family activities. Rather than children adapting to existing family patterns, entire family systems demonstrated systemic adaptation to accommodate the requirements and preferences of their autistic members. This recalibration involved conscious decision making about resource allocation, activity planning, and relationship management.

Systemic Adaptation and Family Reorganization

Adam explained the fundamental nature of this organizational shift: “When you have a child like [our autistic son], and particularly when he’s your only child, in some ways that child’s behaviour and preferences shape your behaviour. We recognised we were adapting to his needs.” This statement captures a shift in family dynamics that fathers experienced as more unidirectional than anticipated. While all families engage in reciprocal adaptation with their children, fathers described a process where their autistic children had limited capacity to adjust to preexisting family patterns, necessitating more comprehensive family system reorganization.

The limitations of conventional conformity-based approaches became evident. Adam recounted, “We did make attempts to make him conform to our needs, but that went nowhere. We just learned a set of responses, and behaviours, and routines that helped us do that.” This evolution from attempted conformity to adaptive accommodation represents a significant philosophical and practical shift in family functioning. The quote reveals fathers’ initial expectations that their children would gradually adjust to established family routines, and subsequent recognition that their autistic children’s neurological differences required fundamentally different approaches. This necessitated parents reconceptualizing family adaptation from bidirectional adjustment to predominantly family-centered accommodation.

Sibling Relationships and Attention Dynamics

The comprehensive reorganization of family systems around autistic children’s needs created complex dynamics for siblings, requiring careful navigation and conscious effort to maintain equity. Douglas articulated this challenge: “[My non-autistic daughter] struggles because the other two have acquired our attention and she has felt emotionally not as tended to as the other three. I’ve got to consciously focus to give her time.” This reveals both the attention imbalance that naturally develops and the deliberate effort required to address it.

Dennis described similar dynamics: “I’m sure [my non-autistic daughter] wishes there was mother-daughter time. Emotional needs would come up and emotional requests would come from her to say, I want more time with my mother.” These emotional needs of nonautistic siblings highlight how the family reorganization affects all members, creating needs for intentional relationship maintenance that might not arise in families without an autistic member.

Sibling jealousy emerged as a natural consequence of differentiated treatment and attention allocation. James reported, “We haven’t had real, serious discussions. I think she (non-autistic sister sibling) knows that [her autistic brother] needs that extra support and ongoing care. She does get quite jealous over the level of attention we give him.” Daryl described similar reactions:The only time that she’s been unhappy with his autism would be when he’s got something she hasn’t, or we’ve had to accommodate things. We’ll say, “Look, he can’t do those activities,” because of his autism, and she would get upset that we would make allowances for him, but not for her.These examples illustrate how even when siblings understood the rationale for differential treatment, emotional responses of jealousy and resentment could emerge, requiring ongoing parental management and explanation.

Intentional Balancing Strategies

In response to these attention imbalances, fathers developed systematic approaches to ensure all children received adequate parental engagement. James described the deliberate strategy:We try to balance things as much as we possibly can. We used to do a bunch of things together in the early days, but now we try to break things up a little bit more and take turns and give everyone a bit of a fair share. I might have some time with [my non-autistic child], while [female partner] does an activity with [our autistic child], and then we might switch over and swap roles.

This structured approach to time allocation represents conscious family system management, where parents explicitly plan for individual attention to each child rather than assuming such attention will naturally emerge. The evolution from joint family activities to more divided approaches reflects adaptation to the reality that comprehensive family participation sometimes proved less effective than targeted individual engagement. Mikel described efforts to help siblings understand their roles:We try to help him understand that whatever he does, he’s like a role model for the younger one, even if he’s doing the wrong thing. That’s the challenge for us, to kind of make him understand you are the bigger one, you are the elder brother.This illustrates attempts to maintain conventional sibling relationship structures and expectations in these autistic families.

Modified Family Activities and Social Isolation

Family activities required significant modifications to accommodate autistic children’s needs and capacities. Adam reflected on their family experiences:We tried to do things and we did a lot of things. We took our son on trips. We did take him overseas on a couple of occasions. We took him camping. We took him to lots of museums, we did a lot of things. I’m not sure that we did as much of these things as maybe some other families, but where we did do them, it was more work.

This acknowledgment reveals both the commitment to maintaining family activities and the additional effort such activities required, creating a cost–benefit analysis that influenced family decisions about engagement in typical family experiences. The reorganization of family social life sometimes extended to protective isolation. Greg observed, “Neither boy has any friends—their friends are myself my wife.” This statement captures parents becoming primary social connections for their autistic children in ways extending beyond typical parent–child relationships. While this closeness could foster intimacy, it also reflected limitations in external social integration affecting entire family functioning.

Theme 4—Unexpected Gifts: Personal Growth and Profound Connection

This theme captures the paradoxical finding that many fathers reported significant personal growth, deeper relationships, and unique satisfactions despite considerable challenges. This counter-narrative to deficit-focused perspectives emerged as one of the most striking findings, revealing positive transformation alongside genuine difficulties. The growth experiences described encompassed enhanced emotional regulation, increased patience, deeper self-awareness, and relationship qualities they believed would not have developed under different circumstances.

Personal Growth and Character Development

Fathers consistently described profound personal development resulting from raising autistic children. Daryl articulated this transformation:He has made me a better dad. It was about me learning how to manage my behaviour, not his behaviour, which has been the journey to try and be a lot calmer. He’s made me calmer, he’s made me more understanding, more forgiving of problem behaviour.

This reveals a fundamental shift in self-concept and behavioral patterns, where the father recognizes his child as the catalyst for positive personal change. The specific growth centered on emotional regulation, patience, and acceptance—qualities that fathers developed through necessity of responding effectively to their children’s needs. The recognition that managing one’s own behavior rather than attempting to control the child’s behavior represents sophisticated understanding of effective parenting in autism contexts and reflects genuine personal maturation. Douglas’s acknowledgment illustrates that this growth was not always linear: “I’ve struggled in understanding his behaviour. I’ve always wanted to treat him as a normal kid. I’ve had a lot of growing to do, adapt and learn, but I still struggle with it.” The honesty about continuing struggles alongside growth demonstrates the complexity of adaptation processes, where development occurs even amid ongoing challenges.

Sustained Intimacy and Unique Relationship Qualities

Several fathers described uniquely close relationships with their autistic children that they believed differed from typical parent–child relationships. James provided the most compelling articulation:Even though he’s much older, we’ve still got that really loving connection. I feel with my son we’ve got that real relationship still. He does a lot with me—we go to the football together and we have a nurtured relationship. I feel like I’m really getting mileage out of that, whereas I wouldn’t have got that mileage from a normal child.

The phrase “getting mileage out of that” indicates James’s perception that the ongoing closeness and shared activities with his older son represent something valuable and perhaps unexpected compared to relationships with neurotypical children, where increased independence and separation might be more typical. Colin emphasized the affectionate quality of his relationship: “Her autism is unusual in that she is affectionate, enjoys hugs and has never shown any tendency towards violence or anti-social behaviour. My relationship with her is close.” This highlights how certain autism presentations can foster physical affection and emotional closeness that fathers deeply valued.

Appreciation for Individual Personality

Beyond relational closeness, fathers expressed genuine appreciation for their children’s unique personalities and characteristics. Adam captured this sentiment: “I like my son. I love him; he’s a quirky and interesting, charming person.” The distinction between “like” and “love” is notable—Adam is expressing not just parental obligation or unconditional love, but actual enjoyment of his son’s company and personality. The characterization as “quirky and interesting, charming” demonstrates the ability to see beyond behavioral challenges to appreciate underlying personality characteristics. This appreciation suggests sophisticated cognitive and emotional work, where fathers developed the capacity to distinguish between challenging behaviors and core personality traits, allowing them to maintain positive regard even during difficult periods. The ability to hold both challenge and appreciation simultaneously represents important psychological adaptation that likely supported sustained engagement and positive relationship quality.

Integration of Challenge and Growth

The paradoxical nature of this theme—that significant growth and deep satisfaction coexisted with substantial challenges—emerged as a particularly important finding. Fathers did not minimize difficulties or present idealized accounts but rather demonstrated capacity to recognize multiple truths: Parenting was demanding and stressful, yet it also fostered personal development and relationship richness they valued. This integration challenges simplistic deficit narratives while avoiding unrealistic positive reframing, instead presenting nuanced understanding of multifaceted impacts on fathers and families.

Discussion

This thematic analysis reveals complex adaptation processes that fundamentally challenge prevailing assumptions about fathers’ roles in autistic families. Rather than peripheral participants, fathers emerge as central architects of family adaptation, demonstrating professional-level case management expertise while navigating chronic uncertainty and experiencing significant personal growth. These findings encompass identity evolution, chronic stress management, comprehensive family system reorganization, and unexpected positive outcomes, contributing to the limited literature on fathers in autistic families while challenging deficit-focused narratives.

Theoretical Integration

The findings support family systems approaches by showing how parenting autistic children affects entire families, with fathers experiencing both system-wide changes and personal identity transformation (Bristol, 1987; McStay et al., 2014). The comprehensive family reorganization described—where family routines, activities, and relationships restructure around the autistic child’s needs—aligns with research linking family outcomes to symptom severity, available resources, and coping styles (Georgiades et al., 2022; Higgins et al., 2023). However, findings extend this framework by demonstrating paternal perspectives on systemic changes, revealing how fathers conceptualize and enact roles within reorganized systems.

The chronic hypervigilance and stress management strategies align with research on elevated stress in autistic families (Yesilkaya & Magallón-Neri, 2024). However, fathers in this study experienced stress as fundamental reorientation toward constant uncertainty rather than isolated events. Adam’s “walking on thin ice” metaphor captures this chronic uncertainty that becomes baseline life experience. The sophisticated management approaches—environmental monitoring, contingency planning, and emotional regulation—represent lifestyle adaptations encompassing fundamental changes in how fathers orient toward daily life.

Paternal Perspectives and Contributions

Fathers’ evolution from traditional paternal roles to multifaceted caregivers represents significant contributions to understanding modern fatherhood in disability contexts. Recent research found fatherhood patterns changing toward nurturant fatherhood, with autism experiences facilitating this transformation (Akoğlu & Cankurtaran, 2024). Our findings extend this by revealing the professional-level expertise fathers develop and permanence of identity changes. The case manager identity represents adaptation that encompasses comprehensive coordination of children’s life trajectories.

Fathers in this study conceptualized themselves as primary coordinators and advocates across all life domains—education, health care, social services, and future planning. This comprehensive function challenges traditional masculinity constructs positioning men primarily as providers while suggesting alternate models integrating caregiving with masculine identity through professional framing. Dennis’s effort to “generate a positive identity about being the carer” illustrates psychological work required to reconcile caregiving roles with masculine self-concept.

While previous research documented similar themes in mothers of autistic children (Hartley et al., 2011; Naicker et al., 2023), findings suggest potentially gender-differentiated patterns in how transformation is conceptualized and enacted. The “case manager” identity may reflect fathers negotiating traditional masculinity norms positioning men as problem-solvers rather than nurturers, creating professional framing that allows integration with masculine identity. However, comparative research examining both parents within same families is needed to determine whether patterns reflect genuine gender differences or represent broader parenting experiences transcending gender.

Positive Adaptation and Growth

The personal growth and profound connection fathers described align with posttraumatic growth findings in parents of children with disabilities, including intellectual disabilities, cerebral palsy, and chronic illnesses (Kohlsdorf & Costa Junior, 2012; Phelps et al., 2009; Steel et al., 2008). Posttraumatic growth—positive psychological change resulting from struggle with life-altering experiences—has been documented across disability contexts, with parents reporting increased personal strength, greater life appreciation, enhanced relationships, and spiritual growth (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 1996, 2004). Recent autism-specific research confirms many families achieve good balance (Bolbocean et al., 2022; Frigerio et al., 2024). Findings extend this literature by providing detailed insight into how fathers experience positive adaptation alongside genuine challenges, revealing mechanisms including enhanced emotional regulation, increased patience, deeper self-awareness, and sustained parent–child intimacy.

Daryl’s reflection that his son “made me a better dad” by teaching him to manage his own behavior represents developmental shift encompassing personal growth beyond conventional parenting. The sustained intimacy described, particularly James’s observation about “getting mileage” from his relationship with his older autistic son, challenges assumptions about autism’s uniformly negative impact on parent–child relationships. This suggests ongoing support needs and reduced pressure toward independence may create unique opportunities for sustained engagement fathers deeply valued. While this should not minimize genuine challenges, it suggests more nuanced understanding of outcomes including potential benefits alongside difficulties.

Implications and Applications

These findings suggest several practical considerations for clinicians, educators, and service providers working with autistic families. First, professionals should recognize that fathers may develop professional-level case management expertise through coordinating their children’s care across multiple systems. Services can leverage this expertise by positioning fathers as collaborative partners who contribute valuable insights about their children’s needs, effective strategies, and service gaps. Rather than assuming fathers are less informed or peripheral to care, professionals might begin by asking fathers about their observations, strategies, and concerns, explicitly acknowledging their coordinator role.

Second, the chronic uncertainty and hypervigilance fathers described suggest traditional stress management approaches may be insufficient. Clinicians might consider uncertainty-tolerance interventions (such as acceptance-based approaches) that help fathers develop psychological flexibility in the face of ongoing unpredictability rather than attempting to eliminate anxiety. Additionally, psychoeducation normalizing chronic stress as a common response to parenting autistic children—rather than pathologizing fathers’ experiences—may reduce feelings of isolation and inadequacy. Support groups specifically for fathers could provide opportunities to share management strategies and normalize experiences of both challenge and growth.

Third, the comprehensive family reorganization fathers described highlights the importance of addressing sibling needs in family-centered services. Practitioners might routinely assess attention balance within families and help parents develop structured approaches for ensuring all children receive adequate individual engagement. The time-splitting strategy fathers described—where parents alternate individual time with different children—provides one concrete model families might adapt to their circumstances. Finally, recognizing that fathers reported both significant challenges and unexpected positive outcomes suggests assessment and intervention approaches should attend to sources of strength and growth alongside difficulties, avoiding exclusively deficit-focused framings that may not reflect families’ lived experiences.

Limitations

Several important limitations constrain generalizability. All nine participants were White, heterosexual, cisgender, university-educated Australian men in a single geographic location. This demographic homogeneity means findings cannot be assumed to apply to fathers from diverse ethnic, cultural, socioeconomic, sexual orientation, or geographic contexts. How participants’ privileges shaped experiences, or how fathers without such resources might adapt differently, remains unknown.

Certain demographic data (ages, occupations, income, religious affiliations) was intentionally not collected to protect confidentiality, given identifiability risks in this small sample. While this limits examination of how specific demographic factors may shape experiences, it prioritized participant protection and aligned with the study’s experiential focus.

The cross-sectional design provides snapshot rather than longitudinal understanding, and focus on children aged 12–19 excludes early childhood and adult transition experiences. Self-selection bias likely influenced participation. The exclusive focus on paternal perspectives, without mothers’ or children’s accounts, limits comprehensive family understanding. Reliance on retrospective self-report introduces potential recall and social desirability bias. Without comparison groups, whether patterns are father-specific, autism-specific, or represent broader parenting adaptations cannot be determined.

Implications for Future Research

Research must intentionally recruit fathers from groups absent in this study: fathers from ethnically and culturally diverse backgrounds, limited formal education, and working-class or economically disadvantaged contexts; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, and asexual, with the "+" representing other sexual orientations and gender identities, fathers; single fathers; fathers in same-sex partnerships; autistic fathers; fathers from immigrant/refugee communities; and Indigenous fathers. The “case manager” identity prominent in this educated sample may not emerge in fathers lacking resources to navigate systems. Research should examine whether fathers with different resources develop alternative adaptation strategies. Explicit attention to intersectionality is essential for inclusive understanding.

Longitudinal research following fathers from diagnosis through adolescence and adulthood would illuminate how adaptation evolves across developmental stages. This study focused on ages 12–19, excluding early childhood and adult transitions. Research spanning these periods could identify critical transition points requiring specialized support and clarify whether strategies effective at one stage remain beneficial across development.

Comparative studies examining fathers across different disability contexts, cultural contexts, and service systems would clarify which findings are autism-specific versus universal. Most critically, research comparing fathers and mothers within same families is essential to determine whether patterns reflect gender-differentiated adaptation or broader parenting processes. Without such comparison, whether the “case manager” identity, hypervigilance patterns, or family reorganization strategies differ meaningfully between parents remains unknown.

Research incorporating mothers’, children’s, and siblings’ voices alongside fathers’ accounts would provide comprehensive understanding that single-perspective studies cannot capture. Methodologically, future research should move beyond retrospective self-report through triangulation—direct observation, daily diary methods, and multiple informants—to provide richer understanding while reducing bias. Mixed methods approaches combining qualitative depth with quantitative measurement would enable examination of relationships between adaptation processes and outcomes. Research must explicitly examine how structural factors—racism, classism, homophobia, ableism, immigration status, and language barriers—shape family experiences and service access.

Conclusion

This qualitative study of nine fathers provides preliminary insights into paternal experiences raising autistic adolescents, revealing complex processes of identity evolution, chronic stress management, family system reorganization, and unexpected personal growth. The findings challenge deficit-focused narratives while acknowledging genuine challenges, offering nuanced understanding incorporating both difficulties and benefits within this sample.

Fathers in this study reported significant growth and enhanced relationships despite substantial challenges, suggesting deficit-focused approaches may overlook important aspects of some families’ experiences. However, given the small, relatively homogeneous sample, these patterns require validation in larger, more diverse populations. These preliminary findings suggest potential directions for father-inclusive support services recognizing paternal expertise and building upon identified strengths. The study demonstrates qualitative research’s value in revealing complex, nuanced experiences. Future research with diverse samples, informed policy development, and clinical practice adaptations might benefit from incorporating these insights while recognizing comprehensive support must be tailored to individual family contexts.