The craft · Blind spots
The 6 mistakes that can harm our clients without our knowing
As therapists, we all want to offer the best possible support. Yet, despite our good intentions, some mistakes can weaken the therapeutic relationship and limit the effectiveness of our work. Here is a reflection on the traps we may fall into, and on how to avoid them.
1 — Wanting to look clever, or to be admired
Wanting to impress is understandable, especially when we are trying to prove that we are equal to our clients’ expectations. But focusing our energy on being perceived as relevant or competent takes us away from what matters: the other person.
When we use complex jargon or adopt a learned posture, it is often a form of protection against criticism. Yet this behaviour deprives our clients of their capacity to think for themselves. Our role is to help them feel competent in the face of their own problems, rather than to feed our ego.
2 — Collecting tools
Accumulating therapeutic tools can be reassuring, especially when we feel helpless in a given situation. Owning the largest toolbox does not, however, make us a better therapist. On the contrary: with experience, we learn that what counts is not the number of tools but the way we use them.
What matters is developing an approach tailored to each situation, rather than hunting at all costs for a ready-made solution in our arsenal.
3 — Wanting to convince others that we have the right tool
It is natural to be convinced of the effectiveness of a method we consider suitable. But insisting on imposing a tool or an approach when the client says it does not suit them puts the therapeutic alliance at risk.
Blindly persisting in one direction wastes precious time and weakens trust. The point is not to abandon our hypotheses too quickly, but to stay attentive to the reactions and the needs expressed by the people we support.
4 — Thinking we know better than our clients
With experience, we meet similar difficulties in different clients. This can give us the illusion that we already know how to resolve their situation. But every individual, every couple, every family is unique, and we must constantly question our certainties.
Our role is to listen to and value the reality of the people we support, even when it differs from our hypotheses or our past experience.
5 — Becoming too attached to one’s theory
Our therapeutic theories are maps of the world: they help us understand the territory of the problems we encounter. But when we run into a dead end that does not appear on our map, it is essential not to force reality to fit it.
The longer we work with a theoretical model, the harder it becomes to question it. Staying open to other perspectives is nonetheless indispensable if we are to keep evolving and to meet the unique needs of our clients.
6 — Listening without bringing anything
The cliché image of the silent therapist, content to listen and prompt, can frustrate clients who came looking for change. Our role is not limited to listening: it also involves bringing hypotheses, proposals, or small differences capable of setting off a significant shift in their lives.
In conclusion
These six mistakes are traps any of us may meet in practice. Recognising them is already a way of continuing to evolve and of offering better-adjusted support. They complement five other mistakes I had discussed earlier.
Worth remembering
None of these mistakes comes from ill intent: they all grow out of the wish to do well. That is precisely what makes them so hard to spot.
And you — which mistakes or areas for improvement do you consider essential in your own practice? The question deserves to be asked again and again. In the meantime, take care of yourself and of your clients.
The full discussion of these six blind spots can be watched below, in French.
How to cite this article
Besse, J. (2025, January 12). The 6 mistakes that can harm our clients without our knowing. Complexe Systémique. https://app.complexe-systemique.com/en_GB/articles/the-6-mistakes-that-can-harm-our-clients-without-our-knowing
To go further
- 5 therapist mistakes to avoidFive other traps, told from a practice that owns its missteps.
- Ethics, morals and deontology for therapy and social workWhat separates professional rules from ethical questioning, and why the distinction changes practice.
- Supervision in systemic therapyThe space where a practitioner's blind spots eventually become visible.
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