When I build a genogram, I always ask about pets.
I want to know whether there are any, which ones, and what place they hold in the family. Having seen how important they are time and again, I would find it rather strange to spend time mapping family bonds while leaving them out.
In fact, I am going to create different symbols for different pets. A dog, a cat, a horse should all be able to appear on this map. Then it remains to understand what each one represents for the people who live with it. The symbol opens the conversation.
I have often seen how far this place can go beyond what many people imagine. To understand a family, we sometimes have to be willing to take a serious interest in the one who sleeps at the foot of the sofa.
It is a very simple question. Yet it can already bring several stories to light.
In the conversation I am sharing with you, Florent Ducourtil, a dog trainer, explains that he tries to bring together as many family members as possible for his assessments. One person may really want a dog. Someone else may be afraid of dogs. And they will all live with it.
As a systemic therapist, this is a starting point that speaks to me. Even before the animal arrives, there are expectations, agreements, sometimes reluctance that people preferred to set aside. Then come the walks, the care, the constraints. Who actually looks after it? The day-to-day division of tasks does not necessarily match the original plan.
Damien Légère, a psychologist and systemic family therapist, asks Florent about all of this. Their conversation moves from dog training to the couple, from fear to attachment. It quickly becomes clear why their professions have things to say to each other.
Take the dog’s place in the bed. One partner finds its presence comforting; the other would like to get back a space for the two of them. We could argue at length about what a dog should be allowed to do. It would also be useful to hear what each person is trying to protect.
This calls for staying curious. I am wary of interpretations that arrive before the people do: the dog would necessarily be “replacing” someone, the cat would be “carrying” the couple’s tensions. A hypothesis of this kind can become very cumbersome when we become attached to it too quickly. People must be able to surprise us in what they tell us about their animal.
The work of Dominique Sangou on the place of animals in family systems takes this reflection further, looking at their role and at the boundaries we give the family. For my part, the genogram is a very concrete place in which to make room for them.
In the interview, Damien talks about the death of the family dog. Twelve years of life together. A vet who came to the house to be with them. The family members present, each in their own way. Then earth, flowers, candles.
I find this passage particularly moving. Damien explains that they could not all do the same thing at that moment. This difference deserves to be heard: we can lose the same animal and go through very different kinds of grief.
After its death, there are also habits left with no one to receive them. There is no longer a walk to organise. We come home and the welcome has changed. A place remains empty, physically and in the daily routine.
In her work on animals and family therapy, Froma Walsh addresses this dimension of grief. It fully belongs in our sessions. People need to be able to talk about this bond without first having to convince us that it mattered.
A pet that has died can therefore have its place in a genogram. The date of its death may matter in the family history. And the way each person talks about it can help us understand what has changed since.
Acknowledging this place commits us to the animal.
We may really want it to comfort us. It may need to sleep. We may expect it to accept being stroked by everyone. It may try to move away. The affection we feel for it does not exempt us from paying attention to what it can tolerate, what it is looking for and what frightens it.
Florent regularly comes back to this attentiveness during the conversation. It is one reason to bring perspectives together: the dog trainer brings knowledge of the animal, the therapist explores family relationships and expectations. Everyone’s safety and needs must be able to enter the discussion.
This is also what I want to keep in mind with these future symbols. Drawing a dog in a genogram will obviously not be enough to understand its place. But it will give us a reason to pause there. To ask each person what this presence changes in their life. And to let the answers reshape the map we were in the middle of building.
Besse, J. (2026, 26 September). What our pets reveal about our relationships. Complexe Systémique. https://app.complexe-systemique.com/en_GB/articles/what-our-pets-reveal-about-our-relationships
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